Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Freak out

Ok.  I am at a point in my life that I should stop being so cynical on myself.  I am 33 yrs old, 34 in Sept (yes i do admit my true age, why fight it)  I am such a worry wart on stupid stuff, from big to small that I am going to end up with a ulcer I swear!  I worry about DH job, that he is the only bread maker in the house.  I worry that we don't have enough stored away for a rainy day cause I know something BIG is going to break in the next little while and we have NOTHING to save it with.  

uggggggggg  

Then there is the lack of work for me.  Not really lack, just I have no education.  HS is all I have, went to college for year and 1/2 and got nothing to show for it.   I am 33 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up (i am forever 18 inside)  I worry that all I can find are these shitty retail jobs that make no money and have crappy hours.  Since I don't have a education I can't find a half decent job.  How embarrassing is that you are my age and can't support yourself!  I can't get a car or buy a house.  I have nothing.  And I know people are going to say well you have stuff.  Yeah stuff that DH got.  I'd like to be able for once to be able to contribute to something.  Like me buying a car or getting a new furnace.  I've tried to go back to school a couple of times and half my problem is $$ for it.  I get going then can't finish it cause $$ runs out or else I feel guilty using $$ when it could be used for some bill or something for the house.  I just want a skill that I can use just incase DH gets laid off/fired/quits his job.  Others will say well you shouldn't dwell on 'things'.  Guess what, I do, it's how the world works.  Sorry to say it we live in a material world and I am a material girl.  (sorry Madonna) 

 I got to find something for me to do, maybe that is what is wrong with me.  Idle hands need something to do or else they get into trouble.  Being pregnant isn't helping my mood any tonight.  I usually don't let stuff bother me to much but it is tonight.  Same idea running through my head, I got to do something, something to bring in the $$ as well.  

Maybe some ice cream will help me with my worries :)

Best Wishes

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